OUR GENUINE FAKE SHARES
Why should I buy a Fumagazzi Fake Share (FAF – Finte Azioni Fumagazzi) ?
The question is pertinent:
why should you make the Fumagazzi Brothers earn money by buying their FAFs ?
First of all, let’s agree on the fact that FAFs are a wonderful piece of furniture. The full set, with its rainbow palette colors, framed in satin aluminum, decorates a white wall in a modern, stilish way.
Moreover, FAFs have a polite (but very explicit) text, which describes its absolute uselessness: a true 21st century dandy’s whim.
It’s marked with a progressive number, registered at our Collector’s Archive. This could be useful in case of a prize draw, or any similar event.
Framed individually, it’s something at which all your guests will stop by to read, smile and comment. You will have the opportunity to tell her (him?) the story of this singular initiative, while you slip a hand under her (his?) skirt with nonchalance. Let’s say it’s an original excuse to ask a girl to come upstairs (surely better than the butterfly collection), or a practical method to break the ice when she’s already in.
The institutional owners, Fumagazzi’s Fake Shareholder’s Committee, can be consulted to express their opinion on important issues in the life of the Fumagazzi Zaibatsu, and they benefit unrestricted access to venues where gorgeous people eat, drink, brag, ride noisy bikes.
Compared to watches of any brand, including ours, FAFs have many upsides:
- they do not lag behind / they need no re-adjustment if they’re left in a drawer for more than 2 days / they have no battery to change
- you hardly take it underwater / you don’t toss it when you’re pissed off / you don’t crash them with a stone and say it’s not sturdy enough
- they do not wear off like leather straps, sweat like rubber straps, pinch your hair like metal bracelets
- people don’t tell you ahahaha it’s a fake X, Y or Z !!! (just in case, tell them no, it’s a real Fumagazzi!)
- you don’t have to take it off to knock somebody’s nose / it doesn’t bother you while you are running-jumping-rowing-hammering or more joyful “–ing” forms you can guess by yourself.
There are many people who can’t afford a Fumagazzi, but like to feel part of this bizarre community, through any tangible object. So, instead of buying a key ring or a sticker, we offer them the opportunity to be Fake Shareholders, to own a fraction of this (fake) megamultinational company.
By the way, how many people invested in Lehman Brothers for decades? At least, these ones make you laugh, not cry!
Finally, and seriously: in our view, those who buy the Fumagazzi Fake Share are the ones who got the point. This is a foolish thing that was born as a rambling experiment, and would like to continue to be so, rather than just making watches. That stuff, anyone can make it.
Become a fake investor
canvas paper 31x45cm – registered serial number – signed/stamped on the rear by Lord Marcello or Lord Marco Fumagazzi
TRANSLATION FROM THE ORIGINAL ITALIAN TEXT
With reference to Article 2353 of the Civil Code, Section V “Of shares and other participatory financial instruments”, Book V – Chapter Five, the Italian Civil Code outlines a specific investment instrument (known as “Profit Shares” for the Common Law) with an evocative name, the so-called “Pleasure Shares”.
Together with Art. 2357-Quater (“Prohibition of subscription of own shares” – usually referred to as “I do act, but I don’t know what I’m doing”), the Pleasure Share represents the antonomastic of a security that provides only for the distribution of profits to an undeserving holder.
The share holder, due to his/her serious ignorance, expresses infamous disinterest in the management of the Company (pursuant to Art. 2086 Paragraph II), total lack of intentions to assume even a bit of responsibility within any collegial body, not even a simple direction panel (pursuant to Art. 2479 of the Italian Civil Code).
By virtue of the foregoing, we highlight the fact that none of the cases identified by the legislation are applicable to the sale or exchange of a sober, elegant, colorful A3 paper sheet of negligible monetary value, adorned with bold signatures, rich in stamps etc., which does not intend in any way to constitute a solicitation of public savings or investment advice in equities, futures contracts, options, mutual funds or any other financial instrument.
The circumstance that led the buyer to purchase a nice colored copy of this wonderful sheet of vulgaris paper is totally unknown to us. Seizing (against a little amount of money) the exclusive opportunity to become part of a small group of collectors, could be the likely scenario. However, we are neither certain, nor curious about it at all.
The existence of this sheet of paper, intended only for goliardic and entertainment purposes, is aimed at making moderate fun for those who bought it, or specifically to brag about it with friends. They will make use of this paperwork, haughtily claiming to be among the few expert connoisseurs in possession of original sheets of “FAF”, an italian acronym that stands for “Finte Azioni Fumagazzi“ or Fumagazzi Fake Stocks.
These nonexisting stocks are equivalent to the fake bills used in the most famous table games since the first postwar period.
The distribution of this leaflet does not therefore constitute (not even by far, Your Honour) any kind of personalized financial advice, as indicated by Legislative Decree 58/98, and as amended by subsequent Legislative Decree 167/2007. The writer does not know the personal characteristics of any of the buyers, especially their income flows, their ability to sustain losses, their patrimonial consistency, and he doesn’t even care a damn about it, by the way. It is not intended in any way to provide buying or selling indication on various financial instruments, nor indications for the direct or indirect management of third party capital.
Remember that betting on the stock exchange, or with securities, bonds or any other similar instruments, is not something for the weaks at heart: better to leave it to financial kamikaze and experts. It’s equivalent to playing poker when you already have unluck in love (the saying does not work, and sooner or later somebody should tell you). If he/she does not make it to the end of the month even with basic complementary activities, such as pickpocketing or small-scale scams to the elders, the investor must carefully consider the risks inherent in trading and investing in light of his/her specific financial situation.